Teachers are under a lot of pressure these days. Increasing test scores, keeping the class under control, creating interesting lesson plans- teachers juggle these responsibilites daily. But how important is the teacher-student relationship?
Very.
My husband’s high school experience is a great example. He wasn’t too interested in school, so his grades weren’t anything to brag about. Except in one class. He received an A. “Why did you work hard in that one class?” I asked once. “Because I felt the teacher liked me,” he said. It was that simple.
Yet creating relationships with students is anything but simple.
I’ve observed in hundreds of classrooms, worked with hundreds of teachers, and I can speak from personal experience when I say that knowing a student doesn’t like you is incredibly painful and confusing for most teachers.
Add to that the expectation from administrators that teachers should be striving for high-quality student relationships, and most teachers are ready to pull their hair out.
It’s not that teachers are unwilling or unable to do this. There are so many issues out of their control- absentee parents, media influences, video games- that the pressure to be liked can often feel like a millstone around the neck.
Like the teacher I coached recently. He expressed that the office didn’t like it when he sent students out of the classroom, preferring that he take care of the discipline himself. So he did. And then they said he was too “authoritative.” So he tried joking around more. Until one student complained to his parents about a joke, and the parents called the school. He couldn’t win, he said.
Students learn best when the learning environment is safe and respectful. There are times teachers need to be authoritative and come from their position, but there are other times they need to be friendly and come from their person. Oftentimes a teacher only operates from one or the other. If position, they are seen as too authoritative. If person, they are seen as too accommodating. Nonverbal intelligence is knowing when each is appropriate and having the ability to do both.
Nonverbal classroom management assists teachers by allowing them to separate the student from the behavior when coming from their position. In other words, it allows the teacher to manage without making it personal. Through appropriate use of eye contact, visuals and nonverbal cues, teachers can foster trust and safety in the classroom without fearing they are being too strict or too lenient.
Effective use of nonverbal communication leads to clearer classroom messages, which means less misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Teachers feel in control and students feel respected. This is how I define high quality student-teacher relationships. Being liked is secondary.
So my advice to teachers is this: don’t try to be something you’re not in an effort to get students to like you. Be systematic in your use of nonverbal communication, but more importantly, be authentic. People, particularly students, respond to authenticity. The rest is just details.
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