Communication Break-Down

Without further ado, Our new company name is…(drumroll please)…

FORTE

We started with wanting a new website. Which led us to figuring out who we are. Which led us to figuring out who our clients are. Which made us realize that most of our clients are already awesome.

And yet, they still want to be better. You. You want to be better. The best, actually.

And that’s when it hit us: We were no longer solving problems, we were taking people from pretty darn good to, well, rock stars.

That’s when we decided we needed something bold, something loud, something that would capture the kind of clients we had and wanted more of.

FORTE has several meanings, which is why we chose it. Musically (and I have a music background, so how fun is that), it means loud. I tend to be a bit…loud, so this fit my personality as well as our theme of tuning into your nonverbal communication. The word FORTE also means ability. We help people develop their nonverbal ability. When we added our tagline: Volume. Nonverbally., it all fell into place.

We’re not saying you need to be loud. What we are saying is, to be a rock star in your field, you’ve got to turn up the volume on your nonverbal communication. You’ve literally got to “hear” what you, and others, are communicating nonverbally.

In addition, we decided we also wanted to talk like regular people. On our website. Like we do in real life. No more corporate speak. We decided we’re committed to authenticity. So why not talk like we really talk?

Finally, we’re absolutely thrilled to announce our new team member Melissa Chureau. A skilled trial attorney, she will be assisting Sari with legal consulting as well as presenting CLE’s, other trainings, and coaching. She’s going to introduce herself in a few days here on the blog, so I’ll let her tell you more.

We invite you to visit our brand new website: www.nonverbalforte.com to check out the new us. Although some of you may be left scratching your heads, we’re pretty confident that most of you are going to love it. In any case, we’re owning it.

FORTE. We’re ready for change. Are you?

P.S. We welcome your feedback, so drop us a line. We’ll be tweaking the website over the next few weeks so keep checking back, and blogs will soon be in a new format and location. Also note our Facebook page has changed, you can join the conversation here.

I left the mall with my two girls in tow, trying to get to the car as fast as possible since I was freezing cold. But preschoolers don’t hurry; so we meandered around the perimeter of the building while they examined every pebble and twig, and I made gentle, patient, can-you-move-any-faster-for-crying-out-loud sounds.

Then I realized two people were walking behind us, conversing. I could care less what they were talking about (I wasn’t eavesdropping! Really!), but I couldn’t help but be intrigued by the nonverbals I heard.

Sometimes explaining, sometimes pleading, the woman in the dyad poured her heart out to the man walking with her. She spoke very quickly, with high breathing and Approachable voice pattern, signaling urgency and personal attachment to the story and outcome.

The man, however, maintained a calm, detached, Authoritative voice pattern through the entire conversation. His relaxed breathing conveyed that the woman’s emotional story didn’t impact him personally—he was neither agitated and concerned, nor impatient and bored. The warmth in his voice communicated understanding, yet the flat tone that curled down at the ends of statements suggested that he would not yield his position (whatever that was).

This seemed odd to me—incongruent. Why was the woman spilling her guts to someone who didn’t care? How was the man able to listen to such frantic jabber for so long without getting irritated? (Doubt I could!)

As the girls and I left the sidewalk and headed to the car, I couldn’t help but glance back. Suddenly, it all made sense. The man was a police officer!

I had assumed the two were personally acquainted. (Note to self: Don’t assume.) Had that been the case, the mismatched voice patterns would have made no sense. But their voice patterns matched their roles, not necessarily the content of the conversation.

What’s the point?

The definition of “appropriate” nonverbals changes depending on context, role, level of responsibility, relationship, and a whole host of other factors. Effectual communication, therefore, requires a wide range of nonverbal skills and the ability to discern which approach best fits the person and situation.

Learning the skills is just the beginning. Learning to apply them at the right time and place requires practice, practice, practice.

I’m not a big fan of “New Year’s Resolutions.” Seems to me, if you need to make changes in your life, do it. Why wait for an arbitrary date to live a better life? Having said that, setting goals and values only works if you check in periodically to see how you’re doing. And it makes the most sense to check back during times of transition, like the beginning of the year.

What do you want for 2012? Chances are, however you define it, you want more, you want higher, you want better.  

Or perhaps you and your life are already perfect.

<snicker>

Here’s the deal: No matter what field you work in—even if you work in isolation, even if you don’t like people, even if your work is technical—at some point you must interact with others. You must communicate. Your ability (or lack thereof) to communicate well, to get your intended message across, to gauge and influence receptivity, to command attention or convey openness… these skills will directly impact your value in the workplace.

All these skills require nonverbal intelligence. Increase your nonverbal intelligence, increase your capacity to accomplish and achieve.

Oh, and guess what. We can help you with that.

I have a friend who constantly misuses air quotes. You know what I mean. Where you hold your hands in the air and “quote” around something you’ve said to indicate to your listeners that they not take it at face value? Yeah, he does that, except he’ll “air quote” randomly. An example:

“So, yesterday, I was at the (air quote) ‘grocery store’ (air quote) when I came across…”

At which point we literally have to stop him and say, “Wait. Were you at the grocery store?” To which he’ll reply, in all earnestness, “Yes! Why?”

…

I was thinking about this the other day when I walked by a small food mart near my apartment that advertises itself as “natural.” But therein lies the problem. By putting quotes around the word “natural” I wondered if what they were selling really WAS natural. The quotes immediately put me on my guard. (That and the Hostess endcap I glimpsed from outside.)

Nonverbal communication is everywhere. It’s not just how we gesture, stand or hold ourselves while sitting, it’s communicated through our tone of voice, the clothes we wear, the words we use, and yes, even punctuation.

When we’re writing we use actual punctuation marks like commas, periods, quotation marks and the like. When we’re speaking we use pausing and gesturing, and the volume of our voice. The point is (if I have one) that nonverbal communication is all around us and communicates more strongly than the actual words.

So pay attention. Or you might “miss out.” (Really. You’ll miss out.)