“You’ll be fine,” she said as I practically sobbed at the news. “No I won’t!” I wailed. How would I be fine? Until Val came along, I had been alone and doing everything myself. She had come into my life and made work fun again. She was my confidante, my go-to person, and the voice I heard on the phone every morning. Nonverbal Solutions wouldn’t be where it was today without her.

Eventually I decided to get my big girl pants on, and get to finding a business and marketing manager. So I did what most businesses do these days and put an ad on craigslist. I figured with the terrible job market, I’d have a ton of qualified candidates knocking on my door.

Boy, was I wrong.

So if you’re looking for a job, a few do’s and don’ts from a prospective employer:

Don’t ignore the requests in the ad. Over 75% of people either didn’t send a cover letter (something I requested) or if they did- didn’t answer the questions asked in the ad. Those resumes didn’t even get a second look. Your resume is a marketing tool. It must sell you in three seconds or less. If you can’t be bothered to follow instructions, then don’t bother applying at all.

Do your research. The job applicants I considered went to my website, referenced it in the cover letter, gave specific ideas about how they would be a good fit, and gave an example of something creative they would try if they got the job. Tailoring your cover letter to the organization you are applying for goes a long way, especially with entrepreneurs like myself.

Don’t mismatch with your interviewer. Interviewers fall into one of two camps: people-oriented or issue-oriented. People-oriented interviewers will smile, engage in small talk, and use approachable body language. They are interested in hiring someone who works well with others. Issue-oriented interviewers won’t smile much, talk less, and use credible body language. Their primary concern is if you possess the skills for the job. Too much small talk and smiling signals the issue-oriented interviewer that you aren’t credible. Not smiling enough and no small talk signals the people-oriented interviewer that you aren’t approachable. Match your style to the interviewer’s because research shows that people hire people who are like them.

Do ask questions that will allow you to position yourself as the ideal candidate. An interview is when we are peppered with questions and evaluated on our answers, right? Wrong. Savvy job-seekers will also ask questions of their interviewers. And not the typical questions -questions which should be strenuously avoided, by the way- such as, “do I have to work on weekends?” or, “what kind of benefits are included?” No, smart job-seekers will pose questions that allow them to position themselves as the ideal candidate. Asking, “What would be your ideal match for this position?” gives you insight into what the interviewer is looking for and allows you to sell yourself as the best fit for the position.

Don’t assume the interview has anything to do with your skills and talents. If someone has taken the time to interview you, they’ve already determined you are qualified for the position. An interview isn’t the start of the hiring process, it’s the end. The resume, your references, the initial phone screen, all of that has been conducted and now you are sitting in front of the interviewer and they are wondering whether to take a chance on you. At that moment, degrees, experience, references, etc., don’t matter. What matters is how you conduct yourself. What you wear, how much eye contact you make, how you sit, how you breathe, what your voice sounds like when you talk- these are the factors that will determine the outcome of an interview. Within the first 30 seconds an interviewer will have an impression of who you are. Within 20 minutes they will have already made up their mind. In an interview, you only get one shot, and it has nothing to do with how qualified you are, and everything to do with how well you communicate. Since nonverbal communication translates the majority of any message, it is absolutely essential that job seekers understand what they are communicating nonverbally.

I finally found a business and marketing manager. He included a cover letter with his resume that answered every question posed in the ad. He made references to my website and offered creative marketing ideas. He sailed through the phone screening by answering the questions I had about his resume in a calm, credible voice, yet he switched to approachable when asking me questions. Once in the interview he matched his style to mine, so I immediately felt at ease. He asked good questions and then positioned himself as the solution, for example, asking me what my weakness was (procrastination) and then stating how his style would assist me reach my goals (creating deadlines together and mapping out a plan of action.)

He’s been with me for a few weeks and is already reaching out to local and national media, has a social media plan in the works, has reorganized my office, and if I think of something, he’s already done it. Yesterday.

So either he is going to murder me while I sleep -because he’s too good to be true- or he really is the perfect employee. The suspense is killing me. But I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Stay tuned for my e-book: “Hired! 21 Nonverbal Secrets for Job-Winning Interviews” out in the next few months.

Don’t get me wrong – I am in constant pain- but there isn’t anything necessarily physically wrong with me. At least anything that can be fixed by a new mattress, books on back pain, acupuncture, massage, meditation, trigger point workshops- and believe me- I’ve tried it all.

Supposedly, I am not kinesthetically intelligent. In other words, I am kinesthetically challenged.

Kinesthetic intelligence, according to my chiropractor, is knowing which parts of your body are supposed to do what, and awareness of what it feels like to move correctly. I don’t move correctly at all -my husband has kindly pointed this out in terms of my dancing ability- I use my smaller muscles (neck, shoulders, etc.) to do the work my larger muscles are meant to do, and in turn I have constant neck and shoulder pain.

It seems odd to me that moving- something we all do naturally- could be done wrong. It’s so…basic. Yet there it is, and there I am, in the gym, lifting a pitiful amount of weight, not to bulk up, Seth tells me, but to “learn what your muscles should be doing.”

It’s so embarrassing.

We tend to think the things we do naturally are “correct” because, well, they’re natural. But what comes naturally isn’t always effective. And just like it’s possible to be kinesthetically challenged, we can also be nonverbally challenged.

You can be academically intelligent, emotionally intelligent, socially, morally, and ethically intelligent, but if you don’t have a degree of nonverbal intelligence you run the risk of pissing people off, or going unnoticed, or coming on too strong, or a host of other things nonverbally intelligent people avoid.

Nonverbal communication translates the majority of the message. Yet how often do we think about the messages we are sending or receiving?

For example, if I am in an interview, and the person interviewing me has very credible body language -stiff posture, weight evenly placed instead of leaning to one side or forward, voice pattern that curls down at the ends of statements- I know to cut the small talk and get to the issue. People who use credible body language are issue-oriented. They want to know you’ll be able to get the job done and to their satisfaction.

However, if I enter an interview with someone who uses approachable body language -relaxed stance, bobbing head, voice pattern that curls up at the ends of statements- I know that small talk is warranted and I spend time getting to know the person. People who use approachable body language are relationship-oriented. They want to know you’ll work well with others, and that you’ll care about your future team members.

If I did what came “naturally,” I would only be effective with one type of interviewer. That’s a 50% chance of success. By increasing my nonverbal intelligence I can accommodate the needs of whatever situation I encounter.

What comes naturally isn’t always effective. Sometimes we need to bring things into our awareness that weren’t there before. Like consciously engaging my abs. I still don’t get what that means exactly, but I’m working on it.