Authentically.

The most important thing you can communicate in an interview is who you are. You can’t trick people into believing you’re something you’re not, no matter what degree of “nonverbal intelligence” you possess.

Because we are often unaware of what we communicate nonverbally, we inadvertently get in our own way. We mean to say one thing and end up expressing something entirely different. How many times have you said, or heard someone else say, “But that’s not what I meant!” Nonverbal communication transmits the majority of the message. Increasing our nonverbal intelligence helps us communicate clearly; when we understand and are aware of nonverbal communication, we ensure that our intended message gets across.

By tuning into your nonverbal communication you’ll be able to convey your qualifications and your enthusiasm in the interview. You’ll be able to speak calmly and confidently, but also show that you’re listening. You’ll be able to remain composed and patient, and yet purposefully avoid behaviors, apparel and objects that detract from your presentation. In other words, you’ll be able to be you, without all the other stuff getting in the way.

The theme of “authenticity” has come up a lot lately in my work. Whether clients want to increase their public speaking, social or workplace skills, once we begin working together I sense hesitation or conversely feel like I’m watching a “show.” Over and over again I explain that the most powerful communication is authentic–you must “own” who you are and what you hope to get across–nonverbal skills assist you in communicating that authenticity more clearly.

So for those of you looking for work: Take a breath, believe in yourself and work at increasing your nonverbal intelligence to allow the real you to shine in the interview. The most powerful way to communicate in an interview, and in life, is authentically.

Learn more at our May 18th workshop when I team up with Stacey Lane, Career Coach for Beyond a Firm Handshake-Acing the Interview Before You Speak.

You’d never think someone who speaks for a living would have such a hard time getting those same words down on the page, but hoo boy, writing is a completely different animal than getting up and speaking in front of people.

But it’s done.

I can’t speak for all writers, but what I feel after finishing the book falls somewhere between sheer elation and massive panic. I mean, it’s done, but no one except nearest and dearest have read it.

I suppose I should tell you what it’s about. It’s called, Beyond a Firm Handshake: 21 Ways to Communicate You’re the Right Person for the Job and focuses on how to get and nail the interview. I wrote it for several reasons: 1) so many people are looking for work right now, it just made sense to focus on how nonverbal communication can assist the job seeker, 2) my business manager told me to, and I usually do what he says and 3) most of the “body language” advice in current interview prep books is just plain stupid. And insulting.

For example, flip open any interview book and you’ll find advice like, “Use a firm handshake,” “Maintain eye contact” and “Sit with good posture.” And unless you’re 16 years old and looking for your first job, most people respond with, “Well, duh.”

MY eBook is different, of course. Beyond a Firm Handshake: 21 Ways to Communicate You’re the Right Person for the Job goes beyond a firm handshake and other obvious “body language” advice—although I’ve included some for fun—and gives you practical tools you can use to increase your nonverbal intelligence. This will ensure you communicate clearly, leading to increased interviewing capacity, and eventually, the job of your dreams.

At least that’s what the intro says.

More seriously, you’ll learn:

• Why no one is reading your resume
• How to turn the phone screen into a face-to-face interview
• Why “friendly” hiring managers can be dangerous
• What to bring, and more importantly, avoid bringing to the interview
• Why your interview begins and ends in the parking lot
• What it really means to be “likeable”
• How to handle illegal, trick or just plain weird questions
• Why you should never, ever call to follow up
• And more!

You can download a PDF copy at our website for $8.99 or stay tuned for the announcement of when it’s available for Kindle, iPad, Sony Reader, Nook and other eReader devices.

You get a free copy if you register for our upcoming workshop: Beyond a Firm Handshake-Acing the Interview Before You Speak on May 18th when I team up with Stacey Lane, a local career coach. And finally, if you want to hear me talk about the types of things I write about in the book, you can listen to my recent interview with Career Studios.

Happy reading!

That’s one way to maintain the interviewer’s attention. Not something I’d recommend, however.

Most people, when preparing for an interview, grab some interview preparation books in hopes of picking up some tips. Most of these books have a section on body language. Here you’ll find advice like, “always maintain eye contact,” or “don’t slouch,”  or my personal favorite: “give a firm handshake.” Perhaps they should add, “Never remove your clothes during an interview.”

The advice in these books is so obvious and unhelpful -to anyone except maybe the recent college graduate- that I had to write a book of my own. Hired! 21 Nonverbal Secrets for Job-Winning Interviews comes out in January. As a preview, I’ll be discussing:

• How to craft an attention-grabbing resume
• žHow to avoid being screened out over the phone
• Why the interview isn’t about your skills and talents
• žHow thinking like a presenter will help you prepare for your interview
• žWhich items you should never bring to an interview
• žWhy your interview begins in the parking lot
• žWhat to do while you’re waiting for your interview to start
• žHow to set the tone of the interview and put the hiring manager at ease
• žThe number one way to communicate confidence
• žWhy it’s important to practice making mistakes
• žWhy you should never call to follow up

But I need your help. I’m looking for interview stories: the good, the bad and the ugly. Know someone who showed up in a bikini for the interview? Send it my way. Ace your interview? I want to know the story. Disclaimer: Any stories sent my way may be used in the book, although I won’t include names or any identifying details.

I look forward to hearing your stories, and to bringing you the e-book this coming January. You can email stories to: info@nonverbalsolutions.com.

Thinking it will is the biggest communication mistake you can make.

What do I mean by communication style?  It depends on who you’re listening to these days. One school of thought says you can be an expresser, driver, relater or analytical. Another divides it into colors. Yet another says people can be categorized as doers, thinkers, creators and listeners. Even one of our programs uses the analogy of household pets to understand the different ways people communicate.

There’s nothing wrong with learning about ourselves- it can be fun to label and compare. But fun isn’t the same as effective. All effective communicators have more than one way of communicating. They understand that not only do they need to be aware of their own preferences and biases, they need to be aware of other people’s preferences and biases. Good communication only happens when people are in sync. Knowing how you communicate is only half of the equation. Learning how to adapt to the person you’re communicating with is where the magic happens.

“You’ll be fine,” she said as I practically sobbed at the news. “No I won’t!” I wailed. How would I be fine? Until Val came along, I had been alone and doing everything myself. She had come into my life and made work fun again. She was my confidante, my go-to person, and the voice I heard on the phone every morning. Nonverbal Solutions wouldn’t be where it was today without her.

Eventually I decided to get my big girl pants on, and get to finding a business and marketing manager. So I did what most businesses do these days and put an ad on craigslist. I figured with the terrible job market, I’d have a ton of qualified candidates knocking on my door.

Boy, was I wrong.

So if you’re looking for a job, a few do’s and don’ts from a prospective employer:

Don’t ignore the requests in the ad. Over 75% of people either didn’t send a cover letter (something I requested) or if they did- didn’t answer the questions asked in the ad. Those resumes didn’t even get a second look. Your resume is a marketing tool. It must sell you in three seconds or less. If you can’t be bothered to follow instructions, then don’t bother applying at all.

Do your research. The job applicants I considered went to my website, referenced it in the cover letter, gave specific ideas about how they would be a good fit, and gave an example of something creative they would try if they got the job. Tailoring your cover letter to the organization you are applying for goes a long way, especially with entrepreneurs like myself.

Don’t mismatch with your interviewer. Interviewers fall into one of two camps: people-oriented or issue-oriented. People-oriented interviewers will smile, engage in small talk, and use approachable body language. They are interested in hiring someone who works well with others. Issue-oriented interviewers won’t smile much, talk less, and use credible body language. Their primary concern is if you possess the skills for the job. Too much small talk and smiling signals the issue-oriented interviewer that you aren’t credible. Not smiling enough and no small talk signals the people-oriented interviewer that you aren’t approachable. Match your style to the interviewer’s because research shows that people hire people who are like them.

Do ask questions that will allow you to position yourself as the ideal candidate. An interview is when we are peppered with questions and evaluated on our answers, right? Wrong. Savvy job-seekers will also ask questions of their interviewers. And not the typical questions -questions which should be strenuously avoided, by the way- such as, “do I have to work on weekends?” or, “what kind of benefits are included?” No, smart job-seekers will pose questions that allow them to position themselves as the ideal candidate. Asking, “What would be your ideal match for this position?” gives you insight into what the interviewer is looking for and allows you to sell yourself as the best fit for the position.

Don’t assume the interview has anything to do with your skills and talents. If someone has taken the time to interview you, they’ve already determined you are qualified for the position. An interview isn’t the start of the hiring process, it’s the end. The resume, your references, the initial phone screen, all of that has been conducted and now you are sitting in front of the interviewer and they are wondering whether to take a chance on you. At that moment, degrees, experience, references, etc., don’t matter. What matters is how you conduct yourself. What you wear, how much eye contact you make, how you sit, how you breathe, what your voice sounds like when you talk- these are the factors that will determine the outcome of an interview. Within the first 30 seconds an interviewer will have an impression of who you are. Within 20 minutes they will have already made up their mind. In an interview, you only get one shot, and it has nothing to do with how qualified you are, and everything to do with how well you communicate. Since nonverbal communication translates the majority of any message, it is absolutely essential that job seekers understand what they are communicating nonverbally.

I finally found a business and marketing manager. He included a cover letter with his resume that answered every question posed in the ad. He made references to my website and offered creative marketing ideas. He sailed through the phone screening by answering the questions I had about his resume in a calm, credible voice, yet he switched to approachable when asking me questions. Once in the interview he matched his style to mine, so I immediately felt at ease. He asked good questions and then positioned himself as the solution, for example, asking me what my weakness was (procrastination) and then stating how his style would assist me reach my goals (creating deadlines together and mapping out a plan of action.)

He’s been with me for a few weeks and is already reaching out to local and national media, has a social media plan in the works, has reorganized my office, and if I think of something, he’s already done it. Yesterday.

So either he is going to murder me while I sleep -because he’s too good to be true- or he really is the perfect employee. The suspense is killing me. But I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

Stay tuned for my e-book: “Hired! 21 Nonverbal Secrets for Job-Winning Interviews” out in the next few months.

Don’t get me wrong – I am in constant pain- but there isn’t anything necessarily physically wrong with me. At least anything that can be fixed by a new mattress, books on back pain, acupuncture, massage, meditation, trigger point workshops- and believe me- I’ve tried it all.

Supposedly, I am not kinesthetically intelligent. In other words, I am kinesthetically challenged.

Kinesthetic intelligence, according to my chiropractor, is knowing which parts of your body are supposed to do what, and awareness of what it feels like to move correctly. I don’t move correctly at all -my husband has kindly pointed this out in terms of my dancing ability- I use my smaller muscles (neck, shoulders, etc.) to do the work my larger muscles are meant to do, and in turn I have constant neck and shoulder pain.

It seems odd to me that moving- something we all do naturally- could be done wrong. It’s so…basic. Yet there it is, and there I am, in the gym, lifting a pitiful amount of weight, not to bulk up, Seth tells me, but to “learn what your muscles should be doing.”

It’s so embarrassing.

We tend to think the things we do naturally are “correct” because, well, they’re natural. But what comes naturally isn’t always effective. And just like it’s possible to be kinesthetically challenged, we can also be nonverbally challenged.

You can be academically intelligent, emotionally intelligent, socially, morally, and ethically intelligent, but if you don’t have a degree of nonverbal intelligence you run the risk of pissing people off, or going unnoticed, or coming on too strong, or a host of other things nonverbally intelligent people avoid.

Nonverbal communication translates the majority of the message. Yet how often do we think about the messages we are sending or receiving?

For example, if I am in an interview, and the person interviewing me has very credible body language -stiff posture, weight evenly placed instead of leaning to one side or forward, voice pattern that curls down at the ends of statements- I know to cut the small talk and get to the issue. People who use credible body language are issue-oriented. They want to know you’ll be able to get the job done and to their satisfaction.

However, if I enter an interview with someone who uses approachable body language -relaxed stance, bobbing head, voice pattern that curls up at the ends of statements- I know that small talk is warranted and I spend time getting to know the person. People who use approachable body language are relationship-oriented. They want to know you’ll work well with others, and that you’ll care about your future team members.

If I did what came “naturally,” I would only be effective with one type of interviewer. That’s a 50% chance of success. By increasing my nonverbal intelligence I can accommodate the needs of whatever situation I encounter.

What comes naturally isn’t always effective. Sometimes we need to bring things into our awareness that weren’t there before. Like consciously engaging my abs. I still don’t get what that means exactly, but I’m working on it.