Ever feel like your “work” consists of attending meetings?

It can take so much time to discuss what we want to do, what we will do, and what we did, that little time remains in the work day for actual doing. It reminds me of this “demotivational” poster:

We need meetings. Yet how do you communicate that time is a precious commodity and not to be wasted? How can you stay on track?

Many meeting facilitators prepare an Agenda beforehand. Great!! Now use it systematically and purposefully to direct meetings.

• Be specific. List exactly what needs to be discussed and how many minutes are allocated to each item.
• Be consistent. Appoint a Schedule Czar to give warnings when time is running out—if the matter clearly needs more attention and discussion, schedule a separate meeting.
• Keep it visible. If your Agenda is the first slide of your Power Point presentation which shows up once and is never seen again, it can’t help you. Get it off to the side—on a white board, a separate screen, a flip chart, etc. Its presence provides a constant, silent reminder of the tasks and topics at hand.  
• Refer to it. Turn and look at the Agenda as you transition between topics. Communicate that it guides the discussion.   
• Let the Agenda be the bad guy. Any time the meeting begins to derail, instead of verbally trying to steer the conversation back, let the Agenda do it nonverbally. Just as the Agenda confirms what will be covered, allow it to settle what won’t be covered. When a satellite topic arises, turn and look at the Agenda. If necessary, you can say, “That’s not on the Agenda for today.” Breathe. Wait. Once you sense that the topic has been dropped (participants will begin breathing again), get back to business.

 Just think of how many more meetings you’ll be able to schedule with all the time you’ll save!!

(Photo courtesy of www.despair.com. Thanks!)

I said, “It doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what the jury thinks.”

We’re often so involved in what we’re going to say (content) and how we’re going to say it (delivery) that we forget the most important part of communication: how people will receive it (reception).

It makes sense, really. You can plan your content and practice your delivery, but you can’t know how people are going to receive your message until you’re in the act of delivering it. Not to mention most of us don’t know how to gauge how our message is being received, or what we can do differently if it isn’t being received well. We tend to think, “I’ll do the best I can, and then deal with people’s reactions afterwards.”

There’s a better way. Two ways, actually.

1) Increase your awareness, and

2) adapt your approach.

Nonverbal intelligence allows you to do both. If I know what to look for, I can watch carefully as I deliver my message and gauge the response. If I’m not getting the response I was hoping for, I can change what I’m doing.

For example, if Peter began his opening statement with the inflammatory information and the members of the jury pulled their heads back, shoulders up, and sat rigidly upright (a sign that people have stopped breathing), he could take that information as a sign that his listeners were not open to his “nail the opposing side” message. He could then drop his eyes and hands, walk to a new spot (while breathing) and continue with a softer approach.

The point is, it isn’t enough to know your content and deliver it well. You must always have an “eye” on your listener if you want to be successful.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Even if you don’t sign, you know that location holds memory. One morning, over a decade ago, I reached into the back of my lower kitchen cupboard and pulled out a pie pan, only to discover an ENORMOUS spider running around inside of it. (It was “THIS BIG.”) Even now, after years and years of spider-free pie pan fetching, I anxiously hold my breath every time I get it, remembering that once it contained a terrifying arachnid.

Effectively using location helps us communicate more clearly and consistently. Nonverbally, we can help people remember what we want them to remember and help them compartmentalize (forget) negative news or interactions.

For example, last week as I rehearsed parts of the Nonverbal Classroom Management workshop for Sari, she would sometimes call out, “You’re telling a story! Move to your story spot!” By delivering content in a different physical location from where I gave illustrations, participants knew to tune-in to the subject matter when I stood in the “teaching” spot and to access the right side of their brains when I moved to the “story” spot. They were able to switch mental gears and remember more when I was systematic in my use of location.

We can do this on a daily basis in our offices, courtrooms, classrooms, or wherever we are. To make a strong point, detach negative information from productive work space, change subjects, or “mark off” any part of our message, we can move or shift location to create a separation.

The pie pan in the back of my lower cupboard will forever be associated in my mind with that giant spider. If I can find a place in an upper cupboard to store the dish, I will likely forget the whole incident.

Off to rearrange my kitchen cupboards…

Yesterday morning, I came to a four-way stop in my local shopping center parking lot as I cruised toward Target, the first of about forty-seven stops on a busy errand-running day. The van ahead of me turned right; as I turned after her, a police car surprised me by zipping around out of an empty parking lot right in front of me. I was even more surprised when its lights came on.

I’ll never know for sure why Van Lady was pulled over, but the thought occurred to me: I bet, like me, she breezed right through that Stop sign.

I mean, really. Who stops? Completely? (Especially if you’re turning right and you see no cars—come on, admit it!) Unless you recently graduated from driving school and feel smug and self-righteous about your superior skills and etiquette (I’m ashamed to say, that was me at 15: “Mom! You didn’t signal!”), chances are you see Stop signs more as Slow-Down Signs. In driving school they referred to “not stops” as California Stops. 

The thing is, we also talk this way. We’re so interested in getting from Point A to Point B verbally, that wemashallourwordstogetherwithouteverpausingortakingabreath.

Hard to read? Guess what—it’s hard to listen to, too.

Pausing when we speak compares to traffic control. By pausing, we control the flow of traffic (words), we give ourselves a chance to assess the situation and change direction if need be, and we keep ourselves and other participants safe by allowing everyone to breathe. 

When we pepper our speech with appropriate pauses—whether in a one-on-one exchange or when presenting to thousands of people—we dramatically increase the chance for clear communication to occur. With pauses:

• we can hold attention
• others can listen more easily
• the message has a chance to sink in
• everyone thinks more rationally—breathing gets oxygen to the brain, which (surprise!) makes it function better.

So no California Stops! Well, when it comes to communicating, that is. You may also want to avoid them when driving through the Tanasbourne Town Center though, since that police car went right back to the empty parking lot with full view of the four way stop once Van Lady drove off.

Thinking it will is the biggest communication mistake you can make.

What do I mean by communication style?  It depends on who you’re listening to these days. One school of thought says you can be an expresser, driver, relater or analytical. Another divides it into colors. Yet another says people can be categorized as doers, thinkers, creators and listeners. Even one of our programs uses the analogy of household pets to understand the different ways people communicate.

There’s nothing wrong with learning about ourselves- it can be fun to label and compare. But fun isn’t the same as effective. All effective communicators have more than one way of communicating. They understand that not only do they need to be aware of their own preferences and biases, they need to be aware of other people’s preferences and biases. Good communication only happens when people are in sync. Knowing how you communicate is only half of the equation. Learning how to adapt to the person you’re communicating with is where the magic happens.

We only got dinner.

We ended up leaving early, and once we got down the elevator, through the lobby, and outside, we turned to each other and screamed.

Literally. We screamed.

Now, perhaps that sounds like an overreaction -and I’m the first to admit that I am prone to over-reacting- but I can’t help it. Bad presenting is like bad sex. If you’re bad at it, then for heaven’s sake, stop making others suffer and figure out how to do it better.

But good presenting is hard to do, you whine. It’s not fair to be so harsh, you whimper. Please. Just because I do this for a living doesn’t mean I don’t sympathize with how nerve-wracking public speaking is for most people. But if you’ve been given the immense privilege, yes, privilege, of the undivided attention of a group, you have a responsibility to get it right.

Here are three presentation tips to assist you in the future.

1) Know your audience. Don’t tell stories that don’t have anything to do with their lives. Know what matters to them. Know the culture. And by culture I don’t just mean how and where people were raised -although that can be important- I mean the behaviors and beliefs that are central to that particular audience. Is it a group of executives? Entrepreneurs? Salespeople? Culture matters. Know it before you get there.

2) Know yourself. Most presenters don’t have the first clue about how they appear to others, especially when on the spot. Know what your particular nervous tic is, what your preferred space-filler is (um, ok, etc.), how you gesture, etc. If you aren’t aware of what you’re doing wrong, then you’ll never be able to change it.

3) Know your stuff. It goes without saying that you should know your content before standing in front of a group, but in addition, if you don’t know how to gesture, use visuals, deal with objections, modulate your voice, or a host of other things good presenters know how to do, then get some training.

To have the undivided attention of anyone these days, much less a group of people, is rare. When you’re given the opportunity, take it seriously. Otherwise, I may fork myself in the eye-ball. Believe me, I’ve been tempted to do so in the past.